When We Use Our Tongue Irresponsibly

“In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.” (James 3:5-6 NLT)

Growing up I was often audience to unkind and demeaning things my mom would say to my dad, usually while she was drinking. To hear her rants caused anger to rise in my own heart. While I knew my dad had faults and was far from perfect, he was always good to me, and I hated it when mom would humiliate him in my presence. It was only by God’s grace that their marriage held together.

Fast forward to today when I say things to my wife, that in my mind are justified and “need to be said,” but that hurt and or push her away. What am I thinking? In most cases, I’m not, and that’s the point. Proverbs 18:21 says: “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”

It’s frustrating when we use our tongue irresponsibly in private, but it creates a whole new set of dangers when we speak to a loved one or friend inappropriately in a public setting. What might have been quickly forgiven and forgotten in a one-on-one setting, becomes an environment where another’s feelings are not only hurt, but embarrassment humiliates them in front of others.

Think of how Jesus used words. The only people with whom He was ever “short,” were self-righteous religious people. Why? Because of all people they should have known better than to put themselves ahead of others, treating another person made in God’s image like they didn’t exist, as though they were dirt under their nails.

Leslie J. Barner wrote: “Have I ever said things I shouldn’t have? Yep! Or hurt my husband’s feelings with my words? Unfortunately, I have. But one thing I hope to resist at all costs is embarrassing Aubrey in public.“ It’s not unusual for us, even as Jesus followers, to engage our tongue before we put our brain in gear, but when that results in embarrassing or belittling our spouse, family member, friend, or even an enemy, it lessens Christ in the minds or those in whose mind we most want Him to be magnified.

We’re not perfect and won’t be until Jesus completes our transformation, but to use that as an excuse for hurting others with our attitudes, expressions, and words is to fail to understand that what we say and do to “the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to Me!” (Matthew 25:40)

We tend to be on our guard, our best behavior, when we’re with people from church or good friends, but too often that “good behavior” gets set aside like our shoes when we come in the door of our homes, and we end up saying things that hurt and sting those we profess to love the most. Why do we do that? Aren’t we commissioned and commanded to treat others, especially our loved ones, with honor, dignity, and love?

Two things the Lord is teaching me in this season of my life: Train my eyes to not look the second time at an attractive woman and train my tongue to remain silent when I’m upset with my wife. Isn’t it ironic that the person I love the most is the one whom I have the greatest capacity to hurt? Perhaps we need to confess to the Lord our weakness and inability to do what we need to do, not only as it relates to how we use our tongue, but in every area of our life.

Until we realize that “apart from Me (Jesus) you can do nothing,” we’ll continue to fail miserably in the ways we treat others, especially those for whom we most want to be Jesus. By His grace let’s determine to use our words to bless and uplift, not tear down and destroy.

Food for thought.

Blessings, Ed 😊