“’Haven’t you read the Scriptures?’ Jesus replied. ‘They record that from the beginning “God made them male and female.”’ And He said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.’” (Matthew 19:4-6 NLT)
If you’re not already, you may want to sit down for this, it’s heavy! Are you ready? Men and women are different! Revolutionary, right? Yes, I know, we all KNOW that, so why do we act so crazy when it plays out in our marriages and friendships?
As men we’re expected to know exactly what our wives are thinking (but rarely do), but isn’t it nuts that our wives want to know what we’re thinking (but we rarely know that either)? That’s why forgiveness is such a vital need for our homes and relationships. None of us, male or female, get it right 100% of the time, so why not exercise our God given command to forgive?
It’s my opinion that a very high percentage of divorces occur, not because of mistakes made, even serious issues like unfaithfulness, but because of our inability to give full expression to what we’re feeling and or, because of a failure to forgive. Sometimes, unfortunately, we’re not forgiven because we don’t ask, either because we’re stubborn or, in a very few instances, we don’t realize what we’ve done wrong.
What’s gained when we forgive? Perhaps the best outcome of asking for forgiveness is reconciliation, but even if that doesn’t happen immediately, at least it opens the door, if even a crack, to allow healing to come at a later time. To refuse to forgive is to close the door to forgiveness. How do I know that?
Jesus said in Matthew 6:14-15: “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” To what end? Unforgiven sin separates us from each other as well as from the Father. It builds a wall that over time can be insurmountable.
Leslie J. Barner used an expression in reference to herself and her husband in a devotional that clicked with me. She referred to their marriage partnership as: “Team Us!”
When my kids were small, we used to camp a lot. The kids would usually wear themselves out and turn in after a smore or two, but after getting the kids tucked in, my wife and I sat by the fire. It felt good in the evening cool, but it also was an opportunity to review the day and share things that went well and things that didn’t.
It gave us opportunities to cement the “Team,” to say things to one another that needed to be said, both positive and negative. But even if we just sat in silence, we were together. We didn’t need anyone to remind us that if our little family was going to thrive, we had to work together. If harsh words had been spoken during the day, it gave us the perfect platform to ask for or give forgiveness.
Fire, like many other things in life, can work positively, to warm us and cook our food, but it can also kill us and burn up the things we’ve worked a lifetime to attain. Which fire will you stoke when it comes to your marriage? How about your relationships with co-workers, friends, loved ones?
Barner wrote: “Fire isn’t all bad. Controlled fires, like kind, encouraging, supportive words, are life giving and warm the heart. Wildfires only break hearts. We can choose which type of fire we will stoke.”
Food for thought.
Blessings, Ed 😊
Walking With Jesus 