“Barnabas agreed and wanted to take along John Mark. But Paul disagreed strongly, since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work.” (Acts 15:37-38 NLT)
Have you ever done something wrong, and you knew you’d blown it? I have. You feel horrible already, but when someone brings it up and continues to berate you, what happens? You may pop them in the jaw, but I usually retreat and turn my anger and frustration inward, which is very unhealthy, and can lead to depression, among other things.
The Bible doesn’t tell us why John Mark deserted Paul and Barnabas on their missionary journey, but it was obviously something Paul didn’t quickly forget. In Acts 15, while we don’t know exactly how much time passed, the Bible says: “After some time…” However much time passed; it obviously wasn’t enough for Paul to get over Mark’s desertion. So, he and Barnabas had a falling out.
Why did Barnabas take up for Mark? It could have been because Mark was his cousin, but I think it’s more than that. Barnabas was a nickname that means “son of encouragement.” Joseph was his real name, but of the 28 times in Scripture his name is used, he’s always referred to as Barnabas. That tells me he was an encourager, not a criticizer. He earned his nickname by being the proverbial “cheerleader” for those who needed a supporter. Do you remember that is was also Barnabas that went to bat for Saul of Tarsus after he became a believer. Nobody trusted him, but Barnabas took a chance and we’re all richer because of it.
How about you? Where do you fall in the “cheerleader” or “naysayer” camp? Are you the one who roots for the underdog? Defends the weak and powerless? Takes up for those being criticized, whether it’s deserved or not? Or are you a “kick ‘em while they’re down” kind of person? Do you tend to give people more than one chance to prove themselves?
What about your spouse or children? Ann Wilson, a writer for Family Life, wrote: “On the ride home I defensively asked, ‘You think I boo you? I’m not booing you—I’m helping you.’ ‘It doesn’t feel like help,’ Dave quietly said. ‘You are constantly critiquing the things I do or say.’ I began to ponder what things would be like if I were to constantly cheer for him. I was concerned this wouldn’t work, because he would think I was satisfied. And that wouldn’t be good, right?
So I prayed. ‘Father God, forgive me. I have not been respecting Dave; I’ve been nagging him and criticizing him. I give up my control of trying to change him.’ A few months later, our family sat down for dinner. I said, ‘I want to stop for a minute and say thanks to Dad for working so hard every single day to provide every meal for our home.’ Then I turned to Dave and continued, ‘It’s easy to take your hard work for granted. You are a really good man.’
Later that night, he told me that my words were the best thing that had happened to him all week. All he heard in that moment was applause. Over the next months, as I began looking for things in which I could encourage him, I began to see God changing me. This doesn’t mean I lost my voice and never criticized Dave. But my anger and bitterness started going away, replaced by a heart of peace and joy.”
Realizing there are some of us who take notice when someone, even someone we love, does something that annoys us, we may not see ourselves as the “naysayers” that we are. We want to offer “constructive criticism,” but with our expression and our body language, we’re really saying: “You should do that my way. I do a better job at that than you do. I’m more trained, better suited, just plane better at that than you.”
And all of that may be well and good, perhaps even true, but what is gained by belittling your spouse, child, or good friend when everyone involved would be better off if you just kept your mouth shut. Practice being a cheerleader for those you love most. When they fail or do something stupid, as we all do, be the first to say: “No sweat, let me help you clean it up!” I know there are probably 2 or 3 things I could criticize my wife for, but I also know there are a thousand things she could criticize me for.
Why not ask the Lord to give you the courage to show those you tend to criticize the most, the grace He always shows you. It’s a lot more fun living with a cheerleader than a naysayer, wouldn’t you agree?
Food for thought.
Blessings, Ed 😊
Walking With Jesus 