“Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and He brought her to the man. ‘At last!’ the man exclaimed. ‘This one is bone from my body, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called “woman” because she was taken from “man,”’ This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” (Genesis 2:22-24 NLT)
John Stonestreet wrote in a recent BreakPoint article, “two-time Super Bowl champion kicker Harrison Butker of the Kansas City Chiefs gave very different advice in a commencement address to Georgia Tech grads: ‘I don’t care if you have a successful career. … In the end, no matter how much money you attain, none of it will matter if you are alone and devoid of purpose. … I can offer one controversial antidote that I believe will have a lasting impact for generations to come. Get married and start a family. No temporary happiness—not even winning the Super Bowl—compares with what Butker has found as a husband and a dad.’ It may be the best advice these grads could hear.”
With the divorce rate of first-time marriages still hovering around 50% in America some may wonder why that’s such good advice, but when you factor in that the rate is nearly half that for Christian couples and it gives some significant credence to the idea.
Marriage is hard, especially when you’re young and just starting out, but the good news is, it’s still hard when you’re old. Why is that good news? Because nothing worthwhile is ever easy! See how easy it is to lose 40 pounds, or stay on an exercise plan, or build a house, or raise a child, or run a business. If it’s too easy it’s probably not worth your time.
Why is marriage so hard? Personally, I believe that’s the wrong question. As I just said, anything worth investing your life in is going to be hard, but hard doesn’t have to translate “bad.” My wife and I have been married 30 years and we’ve struggled and fought to stay together because we believed what we had was worth fighting for. And after staying together, even though we still fuss at each other, it’s satisfying and continues to grow in its richness with each passing year. I believe the right question is: “How can we most glorify and honor Jesus through our marriage?”
One thing that’s been helpful to us, since both of us had experienced a divorce, we made a commitment to never let the “D” word enter a disagreement. We might have to call a “time-out” and come back to our “discussion” later, but we never let our emotions rule. Neither of us has ever seriously considered running to someone else to satisfy needs that God designed and equipped us to meet for each other, and we’re very happy we didn’t.
As a Pastor I married a lot of couples and counseled many as well. On one occasion a couple came to me for counsel, so I met with each one alone, then brought them in to let them share what was on their minds with one another. When I asked the wife to share with her husband what she saw as the biggest barrier to their happiness as a couple, she screamed – I mean red-faced with her teeth clenched and her neck drawn – “HE PROMISED TO CHERISH ME! WHY ISN’T HE CHERISHING ME?”
Sometimes the problems are obvious, and you can create a pathway to healing, but regardless of how difficult or simple the solution is, it begins with commitment to make it work. “Cherishing” is a two-way street, and often we get what we give and vice versa.
Jesus said to treat others like you want them to treat you, and that’s no more needed than in marriage. Do you want to be cherished, respected, loved, treated with honor, listened to? Let those qualities guide you in how you relate to your spouse.
Food for thought.
Blessings, Ed 😊
Walking With Jesus 