“Salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again? You must have the qualities of salt among yourselves and live in peace with each other.” (Mark 9:50 NLT)
How many times have you or I said something that the second the words crossed our lips we regretted them? That’s one of the reasons the Bible is so clear that we’re to control our anger, and our words that are carelessly spilled as a result.
In yesterday’s post we looked at the potential damage that can be caused by allowing our emotions to be stirred to the point of anger, then choosing to say and/or do something we can never take back. What if there was a way to prevent those things from happening, especially when it involves someone you love very dearly and deeply.
It’s ironic on some levels that the one or ones we hold most dear are the very ones we’re most prone to hurt with our words. But doesn’t it make perfect sense? If I don’t care about you, I’m much less likely to allow your words to get under my skin. It’s only someone who knows how to push our “buttons,” someone with whom we’ve shared our inmost thoughts and dreams who can take advantage of that knowledge to hurt us.
It occurred to me recently that, especially in marriage, we grow in our frustrations with one another because we’re so different, yet imagine how boring it would be if we were exactly alike – if we loved the same food, loved to go the same places, play the same games, watch the same movies, etc. And, yes, I can see that it might be good on some levels, but the Lord didn’t put us together to be the same.
It’s our differences, while they may get in the way at times, that generate the groundwork for needed change. Think of two alcoholics that have drinking as their commonality. They drink themselves into a stupor, then awaken to help one another clean up their messes. Of course, nothing bothers them because they drown whatever sorrows or dislikes in alcohol and mutual condolences. But is that the answer?
More to the point of yesterday’s post, what if we come to a place in our relationship, whether in marriage or otherwise, where we’ve just had it, we’re ready to walk away. What then? Sometimes it seems that our disagreements are rooted in our understanding that we’re not the same person, but in some weird way we want the other person to be more like us.
Think about it. If you could see “you” from “my perspective,” wouldn’t that help you see everything more clearly? In other words, what if the problem is that you’re upset because you want me to think and act like you? But I can’t because I’m me! Isn’t that the critical point? And if so, why must it lead to separation? Why can’t it lead to reconciliation?
Think about it! Why not, with just the two of you, or in the presence of someone else or maybe another couple you trust, you begin to explain to one another exactly why you said or did whatever it was? Understanding is the basis of agreement, so if you can come to an agreement on why something happened the way it did, it may lay the foundation for a much stronger relationship.
However, realizing that even two Jesus followers, married or otherwise, may not in their angry or disagreeable state, be able to think clearly enough to work through something that is long standing. What if one of you went to a Pastor, Counselor, or close, objective friend and asked them to help you get started on a plan for reconciliation. Make the choice for health in your relationship, then seek the help you both need to make it happen.
Food for thought.
Blessings, Ed 😊
Walking With Jesus 