Irresolvable?

“Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement.” (Philippians 4:2 NLT)

Disagreements are unavoidable, but how we handle them exalts or demeans Jesus in our lives. Too often we come to an impasse, concluding that since our conflict has no apparent resolution, we must part ways. And what is usually the basis of this conclusion? Each person believes they are right, with the obvious given that the other person is wrong. But what if no one is wrong? What if it’s simply a matter of varying opinions?

Barbara Rainey wrote: “Approximately 69 percent of couples’ conflicts are irresolvable and will be with them in one form or another for the life of the marriage. Um. Is that supposed to be encouraging? Here’s why this truth is hopeful. John Gottman, the author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, has been studying marriages for decades. He explains, ‘The reason they are irresolvable, or perpetual, is that no one is wrong concerning the issue. The issue they are disagreeing on is merely a matter of preference.’ No one is wrong. I like that part.”

And, yes, this speaks to marriage, but the concept can be applied to many areas of our lives where disagreements are rampant – i.e. work, children, church, neighbors, etc. We all have and value our opinions and we like to believe our opinions are valid and valued by others, but each of us needs to understand the basis of opinions.

Opinions are basically our beliefs. The foundation upon which our opinion is built is what we believe at the core of our being, and, unfortunately, sometimes those beliefs are highly personal, but not necessarily wrong. For example, when I was young, I liked red cars. My first two cars were red. That was my opinion, but it didn’t cause me to project my opinion onto anyone else. It was my preference, but you were entitled to your opinion, and I could live with that.

Where problems can occur is when I have my opinion and you have yours, but we both believe that our opinion should be everyone else’s. That’s an irresolvable problem unless or until one or both of us decides to compromise for the sake of the higher good. The plot thickens when it’s an opinion that’s based on questionable or clearly wrong information.

In 2 Timothy 2:16-18 Paul addresses a serious error that was having very negative effects on the Body. Paul wrote: “Avoid worthless, foolish talk that only leads to more godless behavior. This kind of talk spreads like cancer, as in the case of Hymenaeus and Philetus. They have left the path of truth, claiming that the resurrection of the dead has already occurred; in this way, they have turned some people away from the faith.”

In a case like that where it’s evident that the basis of the problem is Satanic and motivated by a clear misunderstanding of Scripture, we have to cut our losses and walk away. However, most disagreements among family, friends, and fellow believers are based on our opinions, to which we can stubbornly hold, or, in honor prefer our brother and sister, agree to disagree, but continue to love and care for each other.

Food for thought.

Blessings, Ed 😊