“For I would that ye knew what great conflict I have for you, and for them at Laodicea, and for as many as have not seen my face in the flesh.” (Colossians 2:1 KJV)
In the verse above, the word translated “conflict” is the Greek word from which comes our English word “agony.” What Paul is describing is an agony of spirit which tugs at our heart and stretches our mind when we long to see God’s will and purposes carried out in each of our family members, friends, and others in our spheres of influence.
Typically, when we think of conflict we think of disagreements or negative encounters, but conflict can be a very useful tool in our relationships with others. Listen carefully to these words of Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini: “Ironically, as the two of us slowly learned to fight fair, we realized conflict actually moved us closer to healthiness. We’d had productive conversation. We understood a lot about ourselves, each other, our marriage, our expectations. And we learned to better serve each other for the long haul. Conflict was a fantastic instructor about listening well and not interrupting.
Or sticking to the topic when we want to bring everything up! Or never discussing divorce, so that working things out (and truly communicating) was our only option. Arguing also helped tame those highly-charged words (‘I’m furious!’) we can easily choose to prove a point. And allowing the other to talk first helped us communicate, ‘I’m listening. I want to understand.’ When we learn to maneuver through the little conflicts, it prepares us better for when the bigger ones pop up. (They will.) Conflict isn’t all bad. In fact, it could be one of your marriage’s best professors.
While these words are especially helpful in our marriages, unfortunately, marriage isn’t the only arena for conflict; however, the things we learn (hopefully) when conflict arises in our marriage and family, can also help us in other settings where we’re subject to disagreements and arguments (i.e. work, church, etc.).
When governed by the Spirit of God we can discipline ourselves to not lose control when confronted with someone with whom we have a disagreement. Ironically, it’s sometimes harder to do that with our spouse, kids, parents, siblings, and other family members than it is with someone we don’ know well. Somehow, we wrongly assume that it doesn’t matter as much because we “love” each other, but the fact is, it matters more in that environment.
My wife and I attended a Marriage Conference at our church recently and in one of the breakout sessions we were given some tools that hopefully will guide us in allowing the Lord to use the positive purposes of our conflicts to make our marriage better. As he began the session, Mark, the leader, said: “We’re attracted to the strengths of our partner, then we have to live with their weaknesses.” I thought: “My poor wife!” But it’s true, not only in marriage, but in other settings.
So, how do you navigate the differences we have with others with whom we want or must get along? Trying to change someone is futile, so Mark suggested three things: 1. Choose (it IS a choice) to focus on the positive that God made them to be, not simply on the things that anger or annoy you. 2. Celebrate your differences. Be thankful the Lord in His wisdom didn’t make any other person to be just like you. And 3. Honor one another – honor who the Lord made them to be.
Food for thought.
Blessings, Ed 😊
Walking With Jesus 