“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33 NLT)
“Respect,” as it’s used in the verse above, is the word from which comes our English word “phobia.” It can mean to be terrified, startled, to be afraid/frightened, and can also be translated reverence. Almost none of those definitions come close to how most women see their husbands today. For some it’s laughable. What wife today would describe how they think or feel about their husband in that way?
The Lord made men and women so different, but it rarely comes out with such power and conviction than in marriage. I love what Ashley Mercier wrote in a Family Life devotional (See Family Life I Do Every Day: The Day I Bullied My Husband – 2022)
“Chris grew up deeply Southern, around sweet tea and even sweeter women. I admire his female relatives for many virtues, but one in particular: They handwash dishes. That being the case, he had literally never loaded a dishwasher in his life when we got married. Hardly a week into my husband’s loving new habit of cleaning our kitchen, he mentioned us needing more ‘blue stuff.’ In his hand, he held a tiny blue bottle. My laughter bubbled over like suds in a dishwasher. He had been using our teeny bottle of rinse aid as the dishwasher detergent! I cackled until I realized I was the only one laughing.
My husband was silent … and mad. Halt laughter. He was hurt. I was confused. This was funny, right? Later, a wise friend gently revealed the problem: ‘You hurt his feelings and his pride. You disrespected him.’ I saw the scene all over again in my head, through different eyes. My husband learning something new, kindly and tenderly doing a household chore I detest. Then me laughing … like a bully. I back ended my way into a lesson about how love and respect work. Biblically, I understood men desire respect and women crave love. Laughing with my husband bonds us. Laughing at him destroys our connection.”
The value of that story heightens when we realize it has much greater implications than just marriage. We make assumptions about others in almost any setting: extended family, work, neighbors, people at church and on and on it goes. We’re so prone to speak out of the context of our familiar environment we can inadvertently insult, hurt, dismiss, or disrespect someone without ever realizing what we’ve done.
On some levels love and respect are almost interchangeable, but in other ways they can be very different. I believe Gary Chapman was onto something important when he wrote the book The Five Love Languages. Just because another person speaks the same language as I speak, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to understand how I use certain words.
Loving someone well involves learning how to respect them for who they are, especially as a brother or sister in Christ. That is never more important than in the way we approach God’s throne. Loving God involves respecting His position as King of kings and Lord of lords. To reverence His name is to speak with respect and honor, exalting Him with our attitude and posture as well as our words.
My sense is I/we tend to approach our holy God and those our holy God has created, with a much too casual attitude, especially when we’re meeting them for the first time. Yes, of course, it’s mandatory we speak to our spouse, parents, grandparents, and other adults with respect – yes, even when we don’t think they deserve it, not so much to honor them, but to honor the Savior we represent.
Food for thought.
Blessings, Ed 😊
Walking With Jesus 