“Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean He no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, ‘For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.’) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.” (Romans 8:35-37 NLT)
When my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease, I had recently gone through a divorce I didn’t want, was struggling financially, and was near rock bottom emotionally. We only lived 4-5 hours apart, but I didn’t have the resources to make the trip more than every few months. My little 100 lb. mom took care of him as long as she could, but ultimately had to find a place for him to stay so he could get the care he needed that she could no longer provide.
One of the first times I visited after he’d been hospitalized, he was in a ward type setting – several men in the same room. He recognized me and seemed like he was reasonably alert to what was going on around him, but at one point he got a concerned look on his face and asked me: “You don’t see them do you?” “What do you mean, Pop? I don’t see what?” “The spiders on the wall?’ “No, Pop, I don’t.”
For years that conversation has played over and over in my head, causing me to wonder how I might have responded in a more helpful way. There are times I wish I’d have answered him with something like: “No, Pop, I don’t see them, but if you’ll tell me where they are I’ll smash them!” I was so wrapped up in what was going on with me I missed many opportunities to be “present” with my dad.
Now the proverbial “shoe” is on my foot. The likelihood is real that I’ll face some type of “spider” on my wall at some point, but in the meantime, I pray the Lord will increase my sensitivity to those around me who are just as scared as I am about what the future holds. I pray the Lord will give me openness to speak what’s on my heart to the ones I love the most and invite them to speak their heart to me.
I’m writing letters to each of my children and to my precious wife. I’m convinced the Lord “hand-picked” her just for such a time as this. She knows better than I what’s in store for us, but she’s conscientious in her care now, seeing that I eat healthy, exercise my body and mind. As my memory continues to fade, I struggle with remembering things that I deal with every day, but I also continue to start my day in conversation with my Father about the needs of others, not just my own.
My sense is, the more I can focus on others, the more my own needs will fade into proper perspective. I pray my openness and sensitivity to others will magnify Jesus to them while I still have the gumption to honor and exalt Him.
How about you? The primary reason this blog is so important to me is because each day I pray for the one person for whom that day’s post is being written. Of course, God alone knows who it will be, I just seek to faithfully record His words and pray I’m listening closely so that whomever it is will “hear” His voice and be drawn more closely to Him.
One blessing (among many) as I walk this frightening path, is the closer I get to the Lord, the more clearly I hear His beautiful voice. He’s real, my friend, very real. He’s alive and closer than the air we breathe. If you haven’t yet committed your life to Him, please don’t wait another instant. Let His love grip your heart and mind and help you see yourself as He sees you, and to see Him as He desires and deserves to be seen by you.
Food for thought.
Blessings, Ed 😊
Walking With Jesus 