“’At last!’ the man exclaimed. ‘This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called “woman,” because she was taken from “man.” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” (Genesis 2:23-24 NLT)
What does it mean to be “united” in marriage? Does it mean we should never disagree? That the husband is the “boss” and should always get his way (every husband’s dream 😊). Does it mean there should never be a difference of opinion or desires that don’t match? No, it doesn’t mean any of those things.
What it does mean, at least for couples who love Jesus, is they’re on the same team, facing the same direction, moving toward a mutually agreed upon end that, ideally, is the glory and honor of Jesus. It means they fight for one another, not against one another. It means that they learn to disagree without being disagreeable, to fight fair and decide in advance what to do when they’re “fight” is moving in a wrong direction.
Lisa Lakey gives us insight when she writes: “At an early age, I bought into the lie that success=value. That I was ‘less’ if I failed, if someone didn’t like me, if I wasn’t the best. So I held on dearly to each little gold star, be it figurative or literal (God bless elementary teachers!). Each one a life buoy to hold me over until the next one. And in between? Lots of non-star-worthy moments.
Maybe this is why I didn’t accept Jesus until I was in my twenties. I just couldn’t fathom a world where, ‘the last will be first, and the first last’ (Matthew 20:16). But can I share something I’m still learning? Marriage is no place for gold stars.
My husband needs a wife motivated by love, not one obsessed with achievement. And I want my husband to feel he can come to me when he falters a bit, not scared of whether or not I will hold him to some unrealistic standard. Our value in this marriage is not determined by our successes, but upon the love and forgiveness Christ has shown each of us. No gold stars here. But love, hugs, apologies, and second chances? We have lots of those.” (See Family Life I Do Every Day: Gold Stars – 2022)
Marriage is certainly a place where couples who love the Lord should exhibit His character and illustrate their oneness with Him, but it’s certainly not the only place. Two become one, not only in marriage, but in our relationship with the Lord Jesus. Paul speaks of this in Romans 6:5: “Since we have been united with Him in His death, we will also be raised to life as He was. We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives.”
In much the same way as marriage should end our search for a life’s partner, salvation in Christ alone by faith alone should end our search for a life’s leader and Lord. We’ll do battle with sin until our eyes close in death, but that doesn’t mean we’ve got to lose those battles. As marriage builds (or should build) a safe place for us to fail, it should also be a place of encouragement when we succeed, giving us the courage to fight our battles knowing we’re not alone. In much the same way, being a child of God should give us confidence and strength to defeat the enemy of our soul in the daily battles we have with Satan and his emissaries.
Marriage is hard. Life is hard, even as a believer, but it gets exponentially easier the more we rely on our Partner, the Lord Jesus.
Food for thought.
Blessings, Ed 😊
Walking With Jesus 