Good Friends

“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:13 NLT)

Having had many good, close friends over the years, it’s never occurred to me to ask any of them to lay down their life for me, but in retrospect, I now know that some of them did. Not literally giving their life for mine but making significant sacrifices to make knowing Jesus a reality in my life. My sense is, that’s what the Lord is calling us to do for each other, but how?

True, godly friendship is a rare commodity in many people’s lives. Few have anyone they really trust with personal information, but why? What’s the key to building long-term, Christian friendships? The first step in building a meaningful relationship with another person is to build intimacy with the Lord Jesus. Jesus is the basis of true fellowship and friendship with anyone.

What might that look like? It begins in prayer. Ask the Lord to help you identify 2-5 people – men if you’re a man, and women if you’re a woman, with whom you can begin to build closeness in your friendship. It will likely be someone you already know and with whom you feel comfortable. They need to be a growing believer or at least open to growing in their walk with the Lord, but they also need to be personable, someone you enjoy being around. They must pass the D.I.L. test – Do. I. Like! It’s hard to build anything with someone you don’t like.

Do they have a similar sense of humor (i.e. do they laugh at your jokes and you at theirs? 😊). Humor, laughing together is healthy and can be a means of bonding, as long as the humor is wholesome and not crude or dishonoring to the Lord. It’s also important to be able to cry together. Loss can come in many ways and having someone willing to sit with you and cry with you can be a very comforting and bonding experience. Sometimes the most powerful response to a friend’s need is silence.

J. C. Ryle expands on this idea when he writes: “Good friends are among our greatest blessings – they may keep us back from much evil, quicken us in our course, speak a word in season, draw us upward, and draw us on.” Good friends also help to keep us on course in our faith. They’re not afraid to call us out when we’re slipping in our devotions – reading Scripture, praying, serving, etc. But how will they know? Good friends know because they ask questions: “How’s your prayer time going? What’s the Lord teaching you these days from His Word? With whom have you been sharing your faith recently? How are you and your spouse doing? Are you keeping things pure between you and your girlfriend/boyfriend?

Good friends need to give one another permission to ask those kinds of questions because, presumably, we have nothing to hide, but if we do, we need someone to help us get back on track who won’t judge us, just love us back to Jesus. We’re not looking for perfection, but progress. Regardless of how long we’ve walked with the Lord, we all struggle to keep our purity of heart, mind, soul, and body. Admittedly, it gets easier the longer we walk with the Lord, but we can never think we’ve arrived and let our guard down.

Gratefully, the Lord has put men of God in my life I can trust with my life, and yes, even with my secrets. But the greatest joy that grows out of the bonding of Christian men is seeing others come to Christ. Recently a young man visited our group for the first time. Before I left, we exchanged information and have gotten together, but after I left some of the guys began to ask him directly if he’d opened his heart to Jesus, which he hadn’t, but joyfully did before he left that night. That’s the greatest, most exciting aspect of good friendships, they’re contagious and are always pointing others to Jesus.

Food for thought.

Blessings, Ed 😊